An exercise in
spontaneous writing
because I am bored
and lonely and I
just don't know what else to do.
It's all a bit strange
and surreal and
confusing but I guess the
only thing to do
is push on. Work my
way through the emotions and
the feelings and hope
I come out of the
other side still in one piece.
There is a lot that
can go wrong and a
lot that I don't think I can
handle. But at least
I'm still showering
and washing my hair. At least
I still have that, right?
I am clean and so
far... I'm still smiling. A book
I read was so pure
and startling that it
evoked a whole lot of mem-
ories that I thought
I had buried to
obscurity. An attempt-
ed self destruction,
a scary real-
ity of mistaken love.
A spiralling cir-
cumstance that followed
me through country and city.
A friendship that turned
into hatred and
in the end, it was Brutal.
Brittle. Incred-
ible. But I am
still here. Fighting on. knowing
that the only pe-
ople I can trust
are the ones that don't know the
whole story. The fra-
gility. The tip-
ping point. The sun is shining
but it's minus nine
outside. I want to
go out but I also don't.
I am alone. I
feel terrible when
I am alone - I just want
his arms around me,
the warmth, the peace, the
stillness. The feeling that all
will be well and nothing will hurt us.
But he's busy today.