Longing

The feel of the sheets as I get in
to bed
The warmth of the blanket as I
pull it up to my chin
My bedside light and reading a
good book here. Cosy
It's all-right being me.

Cake. Home made cake.
I'm learning the baking craft.
I'm getting older, not wiser.
I'm getting emptier than I
knew I could. Heavy heart but
void of love.
Certainly not the sweetest of dreams
I thought I was entering.

He loves me not.

"Follies and nonsense,
Whims and inconsistencies
do divert me, I own,
and I laugh at them
whenever I can"

A part of me longs for 
him. Yet a larger part of
me longs to know myself.
I sit. I dream. I smile.
I look around and see my
true self. I'm not so bad.