Let's rebuild

Looking out of the window from my dining room table, where I currently sit, I can see a patch of green, and a stone wall. The wind causes leaves to bimble around.

Silence. There is silence in my soul.

I have been at home, alone, for three days now. My soul is silent, and my words fall away before they're spoken. All is soft. I am not used to this feeling, this interruption to my life. My days, usually filled with grand notions of where to go, what to do. Conversation loud and hurried. Work and running, and fizzing thoughts in the mind. It has been replaced by silence. I can sleep at night. I don't smile; but I don't cry.  I wake in the morning and lie there, no thoughts, just peace.

A breakdown last week caused much pain, to myself and to those around me. I begged to be left in peace. I was bereft at my sudden inability to control my feelings, my actions, my wretched soul. I needed to be alone. At least I knew myself well enough to make that decision. It is better to not hurt the closet to me any more. At least not for a few days. It is working. Relationships - even if they are at a distance now, are being repaired.

[Listening to:  Poliça – Wandering Star]

Let's rebuild.